


The (Other) Sociopath and Evil Hacker

by Cloud_Lightning



Category: Saints Row
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-15
Updated: 2016-10-16
Packaged: 2018-08-08 22:32:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7776226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cloud_Lightning/pseuds/Cloud_Lightning
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"So, a sociopath and an evil hacker walks into a simulation..." A collection of drabbles and one-shot about The Protagonist and Kinzie Kensington.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. It’s Always About the Money

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, so this is my first Saints Row fic. I just finished SR:TT and SR IV (not in that order) and currently playing Saints Row 2 because this game really awesome. I've fallen in love with The Protagonist and Kinzie's banter. Reminds me of Root and Shaw from Person of Interest, with more swear words. 
> 
> Friendly reminder, English is not my first language. So if I make a mistake, please tell me

“No more Morningstar on the sky and the street boss.” Pierce said through the comm link.

“Good. You can head back now, Pierce.”

“Okay, be careful alright.”

The Boss gave two-finger salute to Pierce. “You too.”

With that The Saints helicopter are gone.  
  
“You’re not serious considering the offer, right?” Zimos asked after helping out the girls out of the container.  
  
The Boss shrugged. It is a good offer. But Zimos’s got a point there. She looked at her phone for a few second then called someone. “Hey Kinzie, you’re good with technology right?”  
  
Kinzie scoffed loud enough for Zimos to be able to hear it. “Seriously?”  
  
“Well, can you track that call? I have a feeling it was from The Syndicate’s top lieutenant.” While waiting for Kinzie’s respond, the Boss looked around the harbour they’re in. The only vehicle big enough for them right now is a truck. And there is one truck not far from where they standing.  
  
“You’re right...” Kinzie suddenly said.  
  
“I’m always right.” The Boss grinned, although Kinzie’s can’t see it. “Wait, about what?”  
  
“It came from the Decker’s HQ. Or what I’ve assumed their HQ. Lots of Deckers around that area.”  
  
“How do you know it was Deckers?”  
  
“They have a thing called social media profile, and they’ve log in using their phone. Their photo profile should be enough evidence.”  
  
“Wait, you can do that? I though you have to use your computer for that?” The Boss looked to her right, Zimos really serious when he asked the girls if they need a lap to cry on. Or in this case, a shoulder and a lap. He was surrounded by the girls and he whispering something that seems to calm the girls down. Before The Boss said anything, Kinzie’s groaned made her remember that she still on the phone with the former FBI agent.  
  
Kinzie sighed. Seriously, it’s not really that new anymore to have a phone with access to your social media profile. “Do you want to know how to update your status using your phone or do you want to threaten them?”  
  
“Threaten them, of course. Why would I care about technology when I got you?”  
  
“Last time I checked, I’m not your secretary.”  
  
“Okay, you are now. And call them.”  
  
“You can’t just make me your---ugh.” Kinzie sighed. "I can’t call them back. And before you mad or anything, they use a burner phone. But there is other phone that really close to the burner phone's location. Let's just hope the owner of the phone will give your message to the Deckers.”  
  
“Details, details.” The Boss waved her hand. “Just do your magic, sweetie.”  
  
“Please don’t call me that.”  
  
“Noted.” The Boss’ nodded.  
  
After a few rings, someone answered the phone. “Hello?” It’s not the same voice. This one sound older.  
  
“Just put your leader, kid. I need to talk to him.”  
  
“Wait, what?” The person on the phone shocked.  
  
“Look, I know I’m talking to one of the Deckers, and a few minutes ago your leader called me. Something about a bargain.”  
  
Suddenly the phone line dead, before the Boss reacted, she got another called from an unknown number. “You really good if you can track my call.”  
  
“Please, it’s not a rocket science.” Kinzie scoffed.  
  
“Wait, you still on the line?” This is why she will never understand technology.  
  
“Ah, of course. Agent Kensington. It is lovely to hear your voice again, but you’re not my priority right now.” The Deckers laughed. “So Saint, what do you think about my offer?”  
  
“Well, I gotta say, it was an awesome offer.”  
  
“WHAT?!” Kinzie yelled. “You can’t be serious...”  
  
“Wow, hey, relax, I’m not finish yet.” The Boss rolled her eyes. “As I said before I was interrupted, you make a hard bargain. And you know me, it’s always about the money.”  
  
“Is this your way of punishing me because I always mock your knowledge about technology?” Kinzie whined.  
  
It such shame that the Boss must let that line goes without her comeback, but she has a priority right now. “But one thing I love other that money, is to see my enemy lose. So, fuck you and your fucking bargain. I’m taking the girls for The Saints. Oh and, I hope Killbane will not lose his shit when he found out you’re making a deal with the enemy.”

The Boss ended the call after she hears the Deckers gulped. ”Now, what was that about me punishing you...” she said to Kinzie.

“I hate you.”

The Boss just laughed. “Yeah, I love you too Kinzie. Oh and now that you’re my secretary---“

The line dead before the Boss manage to finish that sentence. This only made the boss laughed even harder.

“The girls are ready to head back,” Zimos said.

She nodded. “Zimos.” She waited until the man looked at her. “Let these girls rest for a while, okay? We just rescue them. I don’t want...”

“Don’t worry, this is not my first time doing this.”

“Thanks Z.”

Just before the Boss enter the truck, her phone start to ringing again. She doesn't look at the caller. "So you do care."

"Jesus, Kinzie!" The Boss yelled, while Kinzie laughed. "And to answer your question, yes, I do care. The girls are gonna work for us. The least I can do is to make them comfortable with The Saints, so they can bring more money to us. It's useless when your employee are unhappy, you know."

"Whatever to keep you sleep at night." Kinzie ended the call.

For real this time.


	2. Phone Phreak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Or the one where Kinzie brought a new phone for the gang and accidentally went to a date with The Boss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Friendly reminder that English is not my native language, so please correct me if I'm wrong

It was past midnight when the Boss called Kinzie for an update about the Deckers information. Now, she knew that Kinzie sometimes a little too paranoid. But this, this is really take the cake. Not that the Boss doesn’t understand, after what happened with the Deckers, it made sense. But still.

So without question, she goes to Smiling Jack’s after Kinzie ended the call.

The diner mostly empty, just a few patrons and Jack himself. The owner looked up when the entrance bell chimed. He grunted when he saw the Boss walked inside. After the little incident in which the Boss stole the money left by the Morningstar at the back room of this diner (“Well, it’s not my fault! They left the money out in the open!”), Jack always giving the Boss a stinky eyes every time the leader of the Thrid Street Saints came to his diner.

“Where the hell are you, Kinzie?” the Boss muttered after she realize that Kinzie is nowhere to be found.

Until she saw a figure under the booth.

“Really?” the Boss shook her head as she approached the booth.

“You should be more careful. I saw you coming two blocks ago. Traffic cameras, they’re everywhere in this town.”

“Good to know.”

“I’m serious. And you should toss your fancy over-priced phone. I can find you through that, too.”

“Yeaaaah. Look, I feel kinda weird having a conversation like this...”

“Totally agree.We should be using, like, that Navajo dialect...”

The Boss sighed. Slowly, she crouched. “Come up for air? I took care of the Deckers.” She said

If only herself from the past could see and hear her now, she must be laughing like a maniac. She changed, so much. Sure, people still afraid of her, and she always has a big smile on her face after she killed people. But she’s more relaxed, and dare she say for herself, that she’s happy.

She got what she wanted, why wouldn’t she happy?

 _Shaundi_ _is the first person who told her, before the good heist gone bad. ”You’re more relaxed than the first time we’ve met.”_

_Well, considering the first time we’ve met I just woke up from a coma and The Saints are hiding...”_

_"I know, but still. It’s nice to see you like this.”_

Sometimes she’s wondering is it a good thing or not.

After seeing that Kinzie won’t move from her position, the Boss gave up. “Alright. I’ll hit you up if I need any more help.”

“Remember, throw out your phone!”

Before she evens out from the diner, rain started pouring down. Complete with a thunder and wind. “Are you fucking kidding me?!” The one time she decided to ride a bike, this happened.  
Well, she could go outside and steal a car, but then her stomach growled.

“Eh, what the hell.” She approached the counter and flashed Jack her charming smile. “Can I order two pancakes, and three milkshake?”

“Pancake for dinner?”

“Well, technically,” the Boss looked at the clock at the wall next to the TV, almost one. “It’s already morning.”

“Whatever.” The skinny man left.

“Is it comfy under there?” the Boss asked once she sat at the booth.

Kinzie grunted, ignoring the Boss’ question. The only sound they can hear is the rain from the outside. While waiting for the food, the Boss decided to play video game. Might as well try that new game about yet another zombie apocalypse.

A few minutes into the game, the Boss almost threw her phone. “What the fucking–I already beheaded that son of a bitch, why the zombie is still moving?!” she yelled.

Kinzie punched the Boss’ calf. “Keep it down will you! Do you want the Deckers know we’re here?!”

“Then maybe I’ll just beheaded one of the Deckers!” the Boss growled. “At least they’ll stay dead.”

“You can’t kill them with normal sword.” Kinzie said. “Find the Vlad’s Sword or upgrades your gun. But you need–”

A sword in a zombie theme game? That’s... “Wait, hold on.” The Boss looked down at the table where Kinzie was sitting. “You play ‘Don’t Fear the Dead’?”

“No.”

“I believe your answer if only you’re not blushing right now.”

“I AM NOT!” Kinzie huffed.

The Boss raised her eyebrow.

“Okay, fine! Yes, I played the stupid game.” Kinzie crossed her arms over her chest.”It was created by the same developer that made the Zombie Uprising.”

“Waow Kinzie, I didn’t know you play that game. Or you play it because of me?”

Kinzie scoffed. “You wish. It was a good game, so I’m curious about their new project.”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Shut up and play your game.” Kinzie blushed. She readjusted her glasses and continue doing whatever she is doing before the interruption.

The Boss does what Kinzie said. She backtracked all the way to the beginning of this level to find that sword. Her character level still low to perform any upgrade, so she stuck with a sword now. When a zombie appeared out of nowhere, the Boss swiped her index finger furiously at her screen until she managed to cut the zombie’s head. Now, instead the zombie running toward her character, it was turn into ashes. “Holy hell, you’re right Kinzie! Hah, take that!”

Before Kinzie throw any remark, Jack dropped the Boss’ order. “Here’s your bloody pancake and your bloody milkshake.”

“I hope I’m not gonna find a real blood in there Jack.” The Boss smiled, but the diner owner just grunted and dragged himself back.

“You ordered pancake for dinner?”

“Yes, I eat whatever I want and whenever I want.” The Boss answered flatly. She looked down at the table again. “And you are also gonna eat pancake for dinner.”

Kinzie raised her eyebrow. “Why?”

“Because I order for two. Now come on, I know you haven’t eaten anything since morning.”

“And how do you know that?”

Instead of answering the answer, the Boss nudged Kinzie’s knee. “Come on, the pancake getting cold.” She said with her mouth full.

Kinzie swatted the Boss’ foot. “You won’t stop until I eat huh?”

“Nope.” Even if Kinzie can’t see her face, she knew damn well that the woman was grinning like an idiot.

Kinzie sighed. She still mad at herself for letting her guard down, but she can’t concentrate with empty stomach. “Fine.”

The Boss smiled triumphed when Kinzie emerged from under the table. “Finally!”

“Just shut up.” Kinzie grumbled. She squinted her eyes when she saw three glass of milkshake. “Do you really love milkshake or are you really thirsty?”

“Don’t worry; we can share it if you want.” The Boss winked.

Kinzie made a gagging noise. “That sound awfully like a date.”

The two of them froze.

_Shit. She didn’t mean to say that out loud._

The Boss placed her fork slowly, something that surprise Kinzie because the Boss never done anything slow. “Why Agent Kensington,” she said with a smirk. The way her former title rolled from the Boss’ mouth sound so different. A good kind of different. “You want to have a date with me?”

Kinzie pretty sure that her face already red as a tomato. This is the first time she doesn’t have anything to say to counter the Boss’ remark (she blamed it on her empty stomach) so she just threw her napkin to the woman in front of her. The Boss laughed.

Kinzie abandoned her laptop under the table in favor to talked about her favorite video game with the Boss.

And when the Boss dropped her off at her warehouse, it’s because she’s too tired to drive. Plus she needed to show the Boss how to avoid traffic cameras.

“You really need to change your phone.” Kinzie said after she stopped herself to fall face first from the bike. She’s so drowsy she can’t even stand properly. It’s weird because she just slept for an hour before the Boss called her the previous night. And usually it’s already enough.

“Buy me a new one and then I’ll throw away mine.“ The Boss replied before putting her helmet back on. “Get some sleep, Kinzie. Don’t worry about the Deckers, I’ll handle it.”

“Sleep is for the weak.” Kinzie slurred.

She can hear the Boss’s laughed trough her helmet. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone. Your secret is safe with me.” The Boss said before she left.

Kinzie just hugged her laptop tighter.

 

* * *

 

Two days later the Boss got a message from Kinzie, an emergency meeting. She even saw Angel. Whatever it is, this must be really important.

“What’s going on?” Shaundi asked.

“Honestly, I have no idea.” The Boss answered. “Do you know anything, Oleg?”

The bald man just smiled. “You will see soon enough.”

“Good, everybody already here.” Kinzie said from the second floor. She was holding a few boxes.

They have their own room here at the HQ (yes, even Viola) but they rarely use it.

“Want to tell us what this is all about?” the Boss gestured her top lieutenants, while Kinzie walked to the first floor.

“As we all know, the Deckers really good with technology. They always one step ahead from us. One of the reasons is that they manage to spy on us using our phone.” Kinzie put the boxes in the middle of the table. “So I’ve created a safe channel for our communication. I’ve only managed to installed it to eight phones, and I want to test it first before I use it for all The Saints member.”

“You know, when I said you should buy me a new phone I was kinda joking.” The Boss smiled.

Shaundi raised her eyebrow at this.

Kinzie blushed. She pretended she doesn’t hear that. “Anyway, you need to use this phone at least a week. If the Deckers can’t hack this channel within a week, then this channel is secure.” She began to distribute the phone.

“What should I do with my old phone?” Pierce asked

“Well, it’s not like somebody will call my old number.” Viola muttered.

“I’m not really sure if the Deckers wants to know about my daily activities.” Shaundi shook her head.

“Thank you sweet pie.” Zimos smiled.

Angel nodded his thank you.

“You really are brilliant, Kinzie.” Oleg said.

“Thank you Oleg.” Kinzie gave Oleg a tight smile.

Kinzie stood in front of the Boss. “Don’t make this weird. Just take the damn phone.”

Their hands brushed when the Boss took the phone. “Thank you, Agent Kensington.” She purred.

Kinzie threw the box at the Boss’ face.


	3. Hey Kinzie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You let her punched you.”  
> “Hey, it was a good punch, okay?”  
> “Whatever you say, Martha.”  
> “It’s Martha Fucking Washington.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, let’s jump to Saint Rows 4 shall we?
> 
> Shout out to [giftedpink](http://archiveofourown.org/users/giftedpink/pseuds/giftedpink) for poofread this chapter

After hearing what actually happened from Matt and Asha, The Boss didn’t waste any time to march up to the simulation.

“WAIT!” Matt screamed.

“You want me to wait?” The Boss growled. “Kinzie’s still trapped inside that simulation and you want me to wait?!”

“Woah there tiger, easy.” Johnny grasped The Boss’ arm before she could walk towards Matt. “The Hacker Boy must have an explanation for why we should wait.” Johnny tilted his head. “Right?”

“Yes, um. First, we don’t know where Kinzie is. Tearing down the simulation will not give us that information. In fact, it would make Kinzie stuck forever inside the simulation.” Matt stuttered.

“We should find Keith David.” Shaundi recommended. “He must know something about this plan.”

“Fine. Then find me Keith David. I will talk to him myself.” The Boss pushed Johnny’s hand. “Satisfied?” Johnny raised his hands.

“Okay, let’s find Keith David.” Shaundi ordered.

It felt weird, without hearing Kinzie’s voice among The Saints. Sure Kinzie rarely talked, because usually she only talked about technology or some weird kinky stuff, though sometimes she talked about video games, but that’s just happened a few times. Or maybe just some small mundane thing like what she got for breakfast.

Even before this Alien invasion, Kinzie had already become a nagging voice ringing in her ear. And now she'd lost that voice.

“Don’t worry Kinzie. We’ll find you.”

But not for long.

 

* * *

 

Finding Keith David wasn’t that hard, and she already gave the traitor a good punch. Now all she had to do was find Kinzie.

“Are you sure you’re okay on your own?” Shaundi asked.

“Yes, Shaundi.” The Boss answered. “CID, slow down a little! Just protect the ship and make sure Keith doesn’t do anything stupid again.”

“Johnny’s already down there. Along with Ben and Asha.”

“Okay. Don’t let your guard down, alright?”

“You too Boss.”

The Boss finally saw CID, standing in front of a wall. Is there something wrong with that wall, or maybe it was CID? As The Boss approached CID, the robot started to scan the wall.

A secret place. That sounds like Kinzie.

“Well, here goes nothing.” The Boss muttered.

 

* * *

 

“Oh man. This place. *BEEP* ME.” Of all the possibilities, she's here again. Great. Awesome. Good to know that Kinzie’s worst nightmare was also hers.

The Boss looked around her. Nothing changed since the last time. Figures. Maybe Zinyak already repaired every single thing she’d destroyed the last time she was here.

“So Kinzie, what...”

“Uh, Boss, I’m not...”

The Boss swallowed hard when she remembered that Kinzie was kidnapped by Zinyak, and Matt was currently taking her place. That’s twice now. “Right, sorry. Force of habit.” She tried to laugh.

Matt cleared his throat. “Okay, Wait, hang on a sec.”

“What’s wrong?"

“I don’t have any visuals.”

“And that’s a bad thing...?”

“Well, yes. No. Maybe.”

“Matt.” The Boss hissed.

“I can’t warn you for any upcoming hostile, so you’re on your own.” There was sound of keyboard clicking. “No wait, it’s okay now. Even if I don’t have any visuals I can still see the enemy from the map. So you’re good to go.”

“Just find Kinzie for me. I can handle any hostile. Even without my power.” Although to be honest, she already missed her super powers.

Another clicking sound and a ping. “There. I found Kinzie. Apparently, she’s not that far away from you.”

The Boss raised her eyebrow when she saw a familiar figure tending a garden. “Yeah, I got a visual. Okay, time to save Kinzie.”

 

* * *

 

To say she was surprised when she saw Cyrus would be an understatement, she was beyond pissed. That guy was a pain in the ass. But she already killed Cyrus now, twice. How come Cyrus was still alive in Kinzie’s mind? Honestly, The Boss will never understand Kinzie’s brain.

“Kinzie, you’re okay.” She heard Matt croak.

Just before she finally stepped down, Kinzie already pushed her back. “You don’t tell anyone what you saw. Do you understand me?” Kinzie barked.

The Boss smirked. “Kinzie, it really wasn’t that...”

But then Kinzie pointed at her with her finger, and she looked so angry and The Boss is not an idiot, she’s really scared of Kinzie right now. “I said ANYONE.”

“Hey, you got it.” The Boss raised her hands. Yeah, she knew Kinzie was scary. She can do anything to her inside that simulation. But the urge to tease her is so tempting, and The Boss is just a human. “Just saying, it was a cute poodle skirt...”

She saw the punch, alright. She didn’t know that Kinzie could throw a really good punch. The Boss laughed after she received a mean right hook from Kinzie. While the others just stood still with their eyebrow raised (Shaundi and Ben), jaw dropped (Pierce and Matt), poker face (Asha), and a smug look from Johnny.

“What?” The Boss asked while Johnny helped her to stand up.

Shaundi just shook her head and followed Kinzie, who was still fuming with anger.

“You let her punch you...” Johnny knew the Boss could easily dodge the punch, so why didn’t she?

“So?” the Boss raised her eyebrow to challenge Johnny to finish his thought, the smirk on Johnny’s face getting wider.

“Well, well, well, I never thought I’d see this day.”

The Boss scoffed. “I don’t understand what you are saying. It was a pretty awesome punch, and it’s really hard to dodge. She caught me off-guard.”

“Sure.”

“What are you trying to say, Johnny?”

Johnny patted The Boss’ shoulder.

“Okay, what the hell was that?” The Boss asked.

Matt shook his head, Asha already gone; Ben just gave a raised eyebrow before he followed Johnny, while Pierce asked. “You let her punch you?”

“No, I didn’t.” The Boss huffed.

Honestly, what is it with people thinking she let Kinzie punch her?

 

* * *

 

“Don’t forget to sleep. We got a big day tomorrow.” Johnny pointed out.

“I know.” The boss answered without looking up from the book she read. Of all the things they found inside the Zin space ship, they never imagine books would be among them.“Night Johnny.”

The sound of Johnny’s boots echoed through the ship. She and Johnny were the last to sleep (and maybe Kinzie, but she was inside her bedroom). The only sound she can hear now was the humming sound of the machine from the second floor. Matt said he knew how to stop the humming sound, but The Boss said it was okay. They can’t hear it from inside their room. Plus it was kinda relaxing.

A clang suddenly rips through the peaceful atmosphere, followed by a curse.

The Boss closed her book. That sound came from Kinzie’s room. It was one floor beneath the common room. Might as well see what happened to Kinzie this time.

The Boss knocked on Kinzie’s door. “Kinzie, you’re okay?”

“Of fucking course not!” Kinzie roared.

“Whoa, okay, chill Kinzie.” The Boss raised her hands even though Kinzie couldn’t see it. “What happened there? Do you need any help?”

A moment later, and the door was open. “I can’t sleep.”

The Boss grinned. It was such a hard and long journey for her to encourage Kinzie to sleep more than an hour because sleep is really good for her health. And no, it’s not making her weak. “So let’s do something.”

“Ugh, I don’t like that tone. It’s your ‘Let’s kick some ass’ tone and I’m not really in the mood for...”

“Really? Not even Cyrus’ ass?”

That got Kinzie’s attention. “Why. Did. You. Bring. Up. His. Name?” She poked The Boss’s chest hard.

The Boss gulped. “Well, you know what they say. In order to overcome your fears, you must face them.”

“Who are you and what have you done with the real President?"

“Eh, I just finished reading a Jane Austen book.” The Boss shrugged.

“No wonder. So, you were saying something about kicking Cyrus’ ass?”

“Fuck yeah, let’s do it.”

 

* * *

 

It’s not really their first mission together per se, but for some reason, it felt that way. Kinzie was bolder than usual. She even ordered The Boss to use a tank.

“Hey, how come you get a new outfit while I don’t?” The Boss almost pouted.

“You do realize that you can buy your own, right?”

“I know, I know.” The Boss waved her hand. Sure, there are hundreds outfits for her out there. But she rarely bought a new one. Even back then when she was The President, all of her outfits she wore basically the choice made by her personal tailor. Perks of being a President, you have your own tailor.

“Just buy a new one next time.” Kinzie advised before she entered the gateway.

Even after all this time, the effects after she disconnected from the simulation are a pain the ass. Sure, she’s not vomiting anymore. But it doesn’t make it less pleasant.

“Where have you been?” Shaundi asked.

“We just kicked Cyrus’ ass once and for all!” The Boss bragged. “No more Cyrus Temple. No more.”

“Good. Oh, the others will enter the simulation now. You and Kinzie can rest.”

“Nah, just give me a minute and...” Her stomach growled. Shaundi snorted.

“Go and eat your breakfast. Or Ben will really angry.”

“Hey, why didn’t you tell me it was Ben’s turn to cook?” The Boss was already out of the room before Shaundi could answer that.

 

* * *

 

Okay, she could do this! She was, is, the leader of The Third Street Saints, she is the President of the United State of America! She could do this!

The Boss walked into Kinzie’s room with confidence and swagger. She listed every possible thing she could say to Kinzie. But then her brain stopped functioning, so good bye awesome opening line. “Hey Kinzie, wanna fuck?” Well, it wasn’t really that bad. To the point.

What happened next was not what she was expected. Another right hook, great.

“Jesus, Kinzie!” The Boss hissed as she fell to the ground. “What is it with you and punching my face? Do you hate my face that much?”

“Don’t be such a baby.”

“Your teacher must be really proud with your punches.”

“Stop being so smug. You’re not my only self-defence teacher, you know. I’m a former FBI agent.”

“Yeah, but sitting behind a desk all those years, you’re getting rusty.”

Kinzie scoffed. “Anyway, what the hell are you doing? You just barged in here and asked me whether I want to have sex with you and...”

“But I do! Seriously, this is not a joke!”

“Wait, what?” Kinzie stared in disbelief. “You’re not kidding?”

“No.”

“You like me?”

“If you want to have sex with someone, does that count as like?”

“So you only like me for my body?”

The Boss rubbed her face. “Jesus Kinzie, why do you make this hard?”

“Well, because I’m...” Kinzie sighed. “I mean, you’re you. And I’m, well, me.”

“What the hell does that mean?”

“I can never figure you out. One time, you flirt with everyone, heck; you even flirted with a flag pole once!”

“Okay, I thought we had an agreement to never speak about that again.” The Boss warned.

“But then you turned into this caring and wonderful human being.”

“I knew you thought of me that way.” The Boss winked.

Kinzie sighed. She finally sat next to The Boss on the floor. “It’s in my nature, to crack something. And I can’t crack you, it’s driving me mad. Knowing about your past and figuring you out are two different things, okay?”

“Look, I’m a sociopath, okay? I don’t–“

“Don’t you dare say that line!” Kinzie warned.

“–know how to handle emotions.” The Boss managed to change it. Damn it, it was an awesome line, okay?! “But one thing I know for sure is that,” The Boss sighed. “When you were kidnapped by Zinyak, it felt weird. Not hearing your annoying voice in my ear.”

“You don’t want me to talk? But how can I...”

“No!” The Boss grumbled. “It’s gonna sound crazy, but I like hearing your witty, sarcastic comments. Plus you’re the only one who can keep up with my sarcasm. Well, the others can too, but usually they’ve had enough and just stop. Remember when we spend almost three hours bantering about some stupid thing?”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, oh. So I can only offer to respond to your sarcastic comment with another sarcastic comment, I’m gonna let you mock me because I don’t know shit about technology, and I’ll try to enjoy any kinky sex you can come up with. If you want to, I’ll read you a Jane Austen novel out loud. And if you want to talk about feelings,” The Boss sighed. “I’ll try my best to talk about it. Although, I’m pretty sure any kind of conversation about feelings is always gonna end one of two ways. We either fuck or fight.”

“Oh.”

“Really, just oh? I just poured my heart out.”

“Yeah, and that bothers me. Am I still inside the simulation?” Kinzie pinched herself. Well, it’s not working. I mean, she can feel pain inside the simulation.

“This is real, Kinzie.” The Boss smiled. “So, still wanna fuck?”

“Jesus, you have to ruin the perfect moment with your libido!” Kinzie groaned.

“Wait, what perfect moment?”

“You said it yourself; you just poured your heart out.”

“And this is why I told you I can’t do emotion really well!” The Boss hissed. “Other than angry and happy when killing people. Or aliens, or whatever. Hey, since we’re talking about emotions. I’ve got question.”

“What...?” Kinzie looked at The Boss.

“Why is our simulation the same? It’s supposed to represent our nightmare, right?”

“Alright, fine, I’ll tell you.” Kinzie said exasperatedly. “At first, I thought the alien invasion was just one of your pranks.”

“Look, I may be good, but not good enough to pull off that kind of thing as a prank. But thank you. Continue.”

“So that’s why at first I went along with it. Until,” Kinzie gulped. “I’m back at that boat, the Deckers incident.” Kinzie recalled. “That’s when I knew something was wrong. So, I fought my way out from the simulation. Then I heard a voice, or more likely, a beeping sound. The one for censoring bad words.”

“Ha, I can’t believe you found me because of my swearing.” The Boss laughed.

“Well, you swore a lot.” Kinzie huffed.

“I still don’t understand why we share the same simulation.”

“Because I was scared, okay?” Kinzie snapped. “I was scared that I couldn’t save you from that awful place, I was scared that we couldn’t save the others and Earth. I can handle The Deckers, Morning Star or whatever, because I know The Saints will be there. But The Saints were gone, you were stuck inside that stupid simulation, and I...”

The Boss hated physical contact that didn’t involve punching people or sex. But she felt responsible for making Kinzie upset. So she awkwardly patted her back. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault. It’s Zinyak.” Kinzie sighed. “Can we please have sex now? Talking about this feelings stuff makes me want to vomit.”

“Hey, you started it!”

“Yeah, I don’t know why. Maybe it was the effect of the simulation.” Kinzie rubbed her temple.

“Wait, what–” The Boss never finished that sentence. Because one, Kinzie punched her, again. Really, what is it with Kinzie and punching? Two, well, you know.

 

* * *

 

“So how did you manage to cut the visual from the simulation?”

“What? Oh, you figured it out, huh? Well, I have my ways.”

“That’s a shame though. You look cute with that poodle skirt... Ow, seriously, what is it with you and punching people?”

“You do realize you’re the only one I punch, right?”

“So, punching people is your way to show affection?”

“Maybe. Is that bad?”

“Yes, Kinzie. Really bad. Hey, how long have we been here anyway? I wonder why no one’s looking for us.”

“Wait, aren’t you and Johnny are supposed to be in the simulation right now? We’re planning to overload the simulation.”

“Shiiiit, you’re right. Okay, I need to get shower and meet up with Johnny. How about you join me in the shower, Madam Secretary? See, I told you I was gonna make you my secretary.”

“Shut up. Don’t remind me of that awful job.”

“Noted. So, are you coming or not?”

“Of course, Madam President.”

“I love it when you say my title.”

**Author's Note:**

> I never named my protagonist, just calling her 'the boss' all the time. Can't seem to find the right name for her. At least, for now... And Laura Bailey rocks!


End file.
